Growth Spurts

Preteen girls tend to be overwhelmed by the changes taking place.

© PunchStock

From the Outside In

BuilD your preteen DaugHter’s HealtHy self-image.

By Melissa Trevathan and Sissy goff

They are feeling, thinking, and experiencing new things that they do not have the maturity to process. We call these the narcissistic years because these girls are thinking about themselves continually and also believe everyone else is thinking about them continually. In addition, their brains are growing so fast that they have momentary malfunctions, causing them to feel horrible about themselves for no reason.

This means that your daughter is waking up to an entirely new world as a preteen. In this world, she has a hunger for relationships — for intimacy with friends, boys, and God — that is stronger than anything she previously has experienced. That hunger can lead to pain as she often is disappointed. She longs to be accepted and delighted in — and often in exaggerated amounts. In this world, she also will begin to notice failure ... on her part and from those around her. Girls who are just beginning to experience disappointment often turn it onto themselves. A preteen’s father leaves home and

“I‘D RATHER HURT physically than hurt emotionally. At least then I’m the one in control.”

These are the words we hear from many preteen girls. If we had to name one issue girls struggle with the most, it would be self-hatred. For many girls, it begins in middle school. Up until then, they live in a state of glorious naivete. They are unaware, for the most part, of what others think about them or how they are supposed to look, talk, or act. Their confidence is unfettered. But, seemingly overnight, things change.

It is as if, in the preteen years, their worlds change from black and

white to color. You notice that your preteen begins to speak in one-word answers. She seems angrier and more sullen than before. She is consumed by her peers and making sure she has every opportunity to connect with those peers — whether on the phone, the Internet, or in person. This is what the change can look like on the outside.

The inside Problem But something much more significant is taking place on the inside. Girls around the ages of 11 to 14 are going through a great deal of turmoil. They are overwhelmed by the changes taking place inside of them.

SUGGESTED READING

• Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge (Nelson, 2005)

• Odd Girl Out by Rachel Simmons (Harvest Books, 2003)

• Raising Girls by Melissa Trevathan and Sissy Goff (Zondervan, 2007)

• Queen Bees & Wannabees by Rosalind Wiseman (Three Rivers Press, 2003)

• Brave Hearts by Sharon
A. Hersh ( WaterBrook
Press, 2000)

16 PARENTLIFE MARCH 2008