Dr. Mom Marianne Neifert, M.D., M. T.S.

Teach your child to respond respectfully when playing with other children.

Teasing and

Name-Calling

child feel more in control. Remind her of her personal power by adding: “You choose,” when citing the consequences for misbehavior.

• Compliment children when they are playing cooperatively. Notice when a child manages to avoid hurtful language: “I like the words you chose to tell Tommy not to throw your toy.”

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• Help the teaser learn empathy, social skills, and anger control. Show her how to express what is bothering her without using a verbal attack: “I want to play with the farm animals, too.” Help her appreciate the power of kind, appropriate words such as “Please,” “Thank You,” and “I’d like.” Explain the difference between affectionate pet names and hurtful name-calling. Compliment her for expressing kindness toward others. 

promote respectful communication.

AS YOUNG CHILDREN rapidly expand their verbal skills, they test the power of their words on others. A child quickly discovers that calling another child a derogatory name can make a playmate stop doing something she does not like, reduce her playmate to tears, and get her parent’s attention.

show that name-calling is not fun when the other person does not react.

• Require your child to make restitution. Have your child apologize for name-calling and say something complimentary about the victim.

• Monitor what your child watches on TV. Sitcoms where put-downs are the main form of humor teach children to mimic this inappropriate behavior.

• Supervise your child’s play more carefully so you can reinforce positive communication. When you hear name-calling, have your child practice telling her playmate what she wants without using hurtful words.

• Give your child appropriate ways to exercise her personal power. Offer simple daily choices and provide structure and routines to help your

Marianne Neifert, M.D., also known as Dr. Mom, is a well-known pediatrician, professional speaker, author, and mother of five grown children. Dr. Neifert holds a Master of Theological Studies and has authored four child rearing books, including Dr. Mom’s Prescription for Preschoolers.

RESPONDING EffECTIvELY

respectful Communication Promote respectful communication with the following strategies.

• Establish a house rule that says, “We treat everyone with respect.” Explain that name-calling is not acceptable because it is disrespectful and hurts people’s feelings.

• Curb sibling name-calling by being a good role model. By remaining calm when your child calls you a name, you

What if your child is the brunt of name-calling by someone else? Teach your child how to respond confidently and calmly.

• Have your child role-play acceptable solutions to being teased, including telling an adult; ignoring put-downs and name-calling; repeating to himself, “It’s no big deal;” walking away; or using an “I-messsage.”

• Let him practice standing tall, looking the teaser in the eye, and saying in a confident voice, “Stop teasing. I won’t play with you when you call me names.”

MARCH 2008 PARENTLIFE 37