Dad’s Life By Todd E. Brady

Guiding Behavior

tHe golDen rule is not just for cHilDHooD But for all of life’s journeys.

When it comes to selfishness and sharing, Jack and William cannot help the way they feel. Neither can you or I, but you must remember that the lessons you currently teach and model to your children will only help them as they grow into adulthood. The golden rule is not just good for childhood. It is essential for all of life’s journeys. 

Todd E. brady is pastor of First Baptist Church, Paducah, Kentucky. He and his wife Amy’s greatest earthly joy is being parents to their three boys — Jack, William, and Isaac.

SUGGESTIONS fOR ROOTING OUT SELfISHNESS

“i was playing with
that car first!”
“he’s messing up my
blocks!”

WORDS LIkE THOSE above often erupt in our home these days. With two little boys running around and so many toys to enjoy, such outcries are inevitable. As we move from hullabaloo to hullabaloo and manage one crisis after another, Amy and I sometimes feel like employees of PEMA — the Parental Emergency Management Association!

Selfishness is synonymous with human nature. It does not matter how cute their angelic photos may be or how sweet they appear when sleeping in their beds. Children, like all human beings, are selfish. By nature, we are focused on ourselves. We want what we want, and our conflicts usually are rooted in self-centered desires (James 4:1-3).

Our life stage causes us to talk a lot with our kids about sharing and being kind to others. When flare-ups result in loud words like “No!” “Stop it!” “Mine!” and “Me!” Amy or I try to put down what we are doing and engage in our boys’ present crisis. Suppressing our own emotions and seeking

^{© Getty Images} to assess the situation, we begin by talking calmly through things. Although one might doubt how much a 3-year-old and a 17- month-old can understand, sporadic spats can be excellent opportunities for God-centered guidance.

Hectic lives often can tempt parents merely to settle disputes without taking the time to teach intentionally the foundational truths of godly, healthy relationships. Few things are more stressful to me than screaming, whining, and complaining kids. However, the tremendous responsibility and privilege of parenthood must cause us to respond appropriately in each of parenthood’s straining situations.

• Calmly engage in your children’s world when shouts of “Mine” or “I had it first” surface. Get their attention through intentional eye contact. Remove the item and keep your directions simple. (You have the wonderful opportunity to bring a confident calmness into hectic situations.)

• Approach situations positively, encouraging your children to understand what you want from them. Try not to focus on the negative behavior. (“Do not hit.” “Do not say that.” “Do not whine.”) However, say things such as “Please use a kind voice” or “We always share our toys.”

• Take courage! Engaging your children and reaffirming selflessness is a never-ending process.

40 PARENTLIFE MARCH 2008